just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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