my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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