i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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