Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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