you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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