What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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