i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize