I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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