I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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