I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am available for nakedness
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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