I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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