I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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