my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize