i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize