she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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