This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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