found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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