I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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