I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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