I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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