oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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