then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize