I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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