You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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