just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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