Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize