you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize