My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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