The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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