Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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