bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize