bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't notice because vodka
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are the jesus of drinking
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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