Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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