I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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