I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize