I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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