The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My ass is underappreciated
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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