Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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