my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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