one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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