"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize