I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize