Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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