You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize