There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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