I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize