My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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