I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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