how can u be prego again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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