Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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